I am thankful to have the exciting advantage of a direct connection to the amazing people in professional sports. NHL coach Dave King talked to me about a concept that he developed late in his professional coaching career that he calls carriers: "I have coached for a long time, and I have always seen two categories of players: there are carriers and there are guys who have to be carried. I have always tried to surround myself with more carriers. I have gone back and looked at all my team pictures and asked, ‘Why is this team better than that team?' Usually I realize I had more carriers that year, more guys who could carry other people, who had more natural energy, who had more natural courage, and that's why they competed the way they competed; that's why they influenced the rest of the group. If you have too many guys who need to be carried, you are in for a long darn season."

Dave King then explained to me how he uses this carrier idea to make his messages to the players stick. Dave and his staff identify the 5 or 6 or 7 players who have influence at different levels on their team. These would be the captains, obviously, but potentially also a back-up goalie or a 4th line forward. He then brings these "carriers" into his coaching room at different points during the season and asks them about how the team is doing and what kind of message he should deliver. King then gets his whole team together and delivers the message. Dave King says that a leader is most vulnerable when he or she has just delivered the message, turns and walks out of the room. At that point what happens in the room amongst the team is reality. King maintains that every message delivered by a leader falls flat on the floor. But King doesn't worry about that happening, because as the message falls flat on the floor, according to King much more often than leaders think, the carriers sitting in the room pick up the message and deliver it again. This is brilliant. The carriers deliver the message firstly because it originated with them, and secondly, because they have the intimate CONNECTION with teammates to make sure the message is not just heard, but understood.

Choosing Not to Connect

Have you ever been traded, or fired, or down-sized, or right-sized? Just before my fourth NHL training camp with the Washington Capitals I received a phone call at 7am from our new General Manager, David Poile, saying, "Good morning Ryan. I've traded you." I was the captain of the Capitals at that time and the shock of this news made the rest of the conversation fade and blur. Trades are never easy and they are the hardest of all on wives and families. I was traded with Rick Green from the Washington Capitals for 4 players from the Montreal Canadiens in a block-buster trade. Rick and I were flown into Montreal on the day of the trade to begin training camp with the Canadiens. As we walked through what was then Dorval Airport, we picked up the Montreal Gazette newspaper. There in bold type on the front page of the Sports section the headline read: WORST TRADE IN NHL HISTORY and we were perceived as the worst part of the deal. I internalized those words and the city's expectations of me throughout that training camp and remember its start as one of my most difficult.

There are times in our lives when we shouldn't allow words and messages to connect with us. This was one of those times. There are times when what other people say about us should not be allowed to achieve its desired effect. If someone calls you a loser it's still up to you whether to believe what they say or not. Connecting has a give and take element to it; sometimes we shouldn't take.